As another year of a down economy draws to a close, you might already be thinking about cutting back on gift-giving this year. If it is any consolation, reducing the number of gifts for your child might be the best thing you can do. Canadian clinical psychologist, Dr. Maggie Mamen, says that too many gifts can actually lead to problems for your child. Not that this is anything new, but in our society of excess it is easy to forget.
Often during the frenzy of gift-opening children become more involved in the process of unwrapping gifts rather than slowing down to appreciate an individual gift and properly thank the gift-giver.
When routinely showered with too many presents a child learns to expect a large number of gifts and can become demanding and ungrateful.
Adults can get locked in competitions trying to outdo each other with bigger and better gifts in vying for a child’s affection. What a horrible message that sends to the child: love can be measured and bought with material things.
Studies show that babies and very young children learn better when trying to absorb one thing at a time. Too many toys can be distracting and prevent a child from enjoying what he does receive.
Perhaps a more meaningful and long lasting gift to give your children this year is taking some of the focus off of them and redirecting it onto those in need.
A Most Precious Gift
If asked, all parents would say they want to raise strong, healthy kids. Most parents would include emotional health and maturity as well. And maybe a few would add to these two goals, the desire to raise children with a well-developed social conscience.
We all know that children are born with a child-centered mentality; that’s normal, and for a time even healthy. As they grow physically, though, it is also normal and healthy for humans to develop a sense of community, compassion, and a willingness to help others.
But let’s be clear. This is not a religious issue. While these values are espoused by most religions, they are not exclusively religious ideals. Study after study has shown that individuals who have developed these qualities live happier lives, healthier lives and there is mounting evidence that they live longer lives. Now, during the season of gift-giving, is an ideal time to start your child on her journey of social awareness and growth.
There is no actual guide for this process; no twelve- step program where your child will move neatly from one level to the next. But the rewards for both you and your children are huge.
First Steps
It’s easy these days to think of ourselves as ‘poor’ with the cost of gasoline, food, and taxes always on the rise. But most of us have a decent place to live, three meals a day and access to medical and dental care. We might not have as much as we would like, but for the most part we live well above the poverty line.
Sadly, we are reminded nearly every day, that there are people all over the world in desperate need of things we take for granted. One has only to think of the people suffering the effects of hurricane Katrina, the terrible earthquake in Haiti, and the massive devastation in Japan. Whenever a natural catastrophe occurs there will be people lacking food, drinking water, medical aid and other basic necessities. When introducing children to the concepts of helping others it is advisable to tailor your discussions and charitable actions to the child’s age.
It isn’t necessary to go into great detail when talking to three, four and five year olds. They don’t need to hear all the terrible details, just that people need their help. Take them shopping to purchase a toy or gift for ‘Toys for Tots’ or show them a ‘Heifer International’ catalogue so they can choose an animal gift for truly needy families. Again, concentrate on showing them the fuzzy chicks and ducks and simply state these animals will help a family. Or bring the help closer to home by allowing them to select foodstuffs to be donated to the collection bin in the grocery store.
Deeper Involvement
Older children can be given more information but each child has a different threshold or level of sensitivity. You will have to gauge what you say to your child about the events that put people in need. You know your child best, so concentrate on the positives with very sensitive kids. The good thing about working with kids six years and older is that you have so many more options. Kids in the six to eleven year group are old enough to understand poverty and hunger. They are old enough to help bag meals for Kids Against Hunger or another similar charity and they can be involved in a neighborhood or community food drive.
Tweens, teens and young adults are mature enough to understand that they can make a difference in the lives of others. Many opportunities are available to this age group: serving food at local shelters; mentoring younger children who are struggling with reading and arithmetic; getting involved in youth centers; even traveling with youth groups to assist third world communities with civic projects; or standing shoulder to shoulder with a parent helping construct or rehabilitate a home.
These very important lessons of helping others in need can be learned through example and the occasional parental nudge. The Internet has been a powerful tool for globalization. It can also be a tremendous resource for helping children learn different ways to become compassionate, involved human beings.
Online Word Search
Learning togive.org * Kids Awareness Series * Richard Proudfit * Heifer International * Kids Against Hunger * Toys for Tots * Honor Flights * Charity Navigator * Habitat for Humanity *